Carly's prompts for today are really thought provoking and clearly that's the point as we explore our grief. This whole month has been an exploration not just today. Since losing Annabelle, I think it has really been about exploring life and seeing what "this grief" thing is about and what it all means in my life. Given my profession, I have always tried to practice what I preach ("tried" being the key word!) and so I have sat down and paid attention to my thoughts and where they are. So that part of me, exploring my thoughts hasn't changed. I've never been one to just plod along with life anyway. I'm always wanting to know what more can I do? What else is there to life? Exploring it like a child discovering their world for the first time.
I believe grief and healing co-exist, my picture says it all. Jema has been part of my healing but I still grieve for the child that isn't with us.
I'm not sure where I want to go next with my journey of grief and healing. I'm not even sure you'll find me here again tomorrow. All I know is that I have been forever changed by this all and it is not necessarily all bad. I know I get more emotional when I hear the death of innocent children and of unimaginable losses people have but I also rejoice much more fully when I hear great things happening and wonderful things people do. I try not to dwell on the negatives and try to focus on those things that are helpful to me.
Despite having had the most tragic thing to ever happen to a parent, happen in our lives, I still want to make my life the most beautiful and loved life I can. I don't want to wait till tomorrow and I want to enjoy each precious moment, especially with the beautiful baby girl, I do have here on earth.