Capture Your Grief Day 3. What It Felt Like. Grief is so tiring and painful so you try to make some good out of it. One of the the things that made my heart sing was when I'd see posts like this and realise that Annabelle was making a difference! #AnnabellesArmyofBears #CaptureYourGrief #WhatHealsYou #ForAnnabelle #Love #Hope #Family #Memories #PersonalGrowth #MyJourney #Compassion
Capture Your Grief Day 2. Who They Are. Annabelle Catalina is our first born daughter. Stillborn 4 years ago at 31 weeks, Annabelle changed our world when she arrived and changed us for all the time after that. How we see things, how we do things, how we think and how we feel. #CaptureYourGrief #WhatHealsYou #ForAnnabelle #AteAnnabelle #Jemassister #Love #Hope #Family #Memories #PersonalGrowth #MyJourney #Compassion
Capture Your Grief Day 1. Sunrise Dedication. Sydney Australia, 5.35am. Remembering all the children whose stories have touched my heart since Annabelle was born. The sun rises and the birds sing as a new day dawns. Breathe In. #CaptureYourGrief #WhatHealsYou #ForAnnabelle #Love #Hope #Family #Memories #PersonalGrowth #MyJourney #Compassion
I intend to be mindful in honour of my precious daughter, Annabelle and BabySo. To be focused on the present and being aware of others and their struggles. Each person has a story and maybe if I am more mindful of this, I can treat each person with more kindness. If I focus too much about the past or future, I am not giving my whole being, my present self to whatever I am currently doing or facing. To be present and mindful will help me and how I behave and hopefully, how I treat others and even myself.
Sunrise was 5.33 this morning in Sydney, Australia.
Didn't make it that early, so no photo... However, I write this while I think of not just my little girl, Annabelle but all the little ones that died. I think of their parents who grieve their loss and those that are unable to grieve for whatever reason. I read Carly's prompts for these and it feels ok not to have the photo as I can truly reflect on what it is that we're trying to do with capturing the sunrise. Seeing it, connecting with other parents as we check out their sunrise on social media, knowing that we're not alone on this journey. Breathing in life and what it has to offer. Live. Life. Love. So this is extremely late! Although this was one I had planned right from the start of the Capture Your Grief project. I knew what I wanted to do but had found it tough half way through the project and never managed to get to Day 25. Anyway, Day 25 is about planting the memories of our children into Mother Earth. I finally managed to visit the nursery and choose a plant. In the pic, it's the one on top right. I don't have a green thumb so I hope I can keep this bloomer alive as it is ever so pretty!
I guess the next step for me, is to work out what this plant needs, how much water it needs and see where I can plant this in my garden. A special place for Annabelle and BabySo. Now, for the little foot in the corner... That's Jema. We've been taking part in the World Vision 30 for 30 fitness challenge. If you want to know more. Check out the following link. It's all in the name of newborn health for developing countries. Thanks for your support! https://30for30fitnesschallenge.everydayhero.com/au/em-jema Self-care isn't just about time for me, its also about time for me with Daddy. Time for me and Daddy is enjoying our coffee whenever we can. We talk, we remember and we contemplate life. I love that about us. My self-care is making sure I have that time for us. I like to have that not just once in a while but each day. Although the photo is of a coffee, the self care is about the conversations we have. Being able to voice and talk about things rather than feel we have to carry the burden, any burden on our own.
Since losing Annabelle, my relationship with people in general has changed. For some people, I have more empathy and for others, no time. I'd like to say its a selfless thing, the empathy. The grief has made me more aware of other people's journeys and so I try to be more understanding. However, there are people I have no time for and I think that has a more selfish twist to it. It has to do with their relationship with Annabelle or what I perceive is their relationship with her - what they have shown or told me. I have all the time in the world and have a continued relationship with those people who remember Annabelle, who listened to me talk of Annabelle and those who were there for me at, I guess, in "my time of need". They didn't fade away over the two years and have been almost a constant through this time. Grief has also made me cherish those people much more and of course, Daddy and Jema.
When Annabelle and BabySo's little sister took her first breath, I stopped holding mine. This is Jema in her first few hours of life. Now in her first few months of life, I've learnt to breathe again. There are still moments where I hold my breathe and anxiety takes over but they're much more fleeting than before. Breathe.
Been hard to continue Capture Your Grief, so this is a wee bit late... Better late than never I guess :)
As part of pregnancy and infant loss awareness month, there was a few auctions going on to raise money and awareness for various organisations. These are two I got involved in - SANDS and Yasminah's Gift of Hope. Got these items in order to give them support for their worthy causes. Will probably end up giving these to others who I know will love them. |
Mummy's Memories Carly Marie's Capture Your Grief Project
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