I participated in the flag project last year, you can see the original here. The flag has the same theme, colours, material and I used cross stitches again. The birds on the original flag were from Annabelle's Baby Shower invitation design. The flag this time round I proudly designed myself :) based on those birds. The bigger pink bird I see as Annabelle and the little yellow bird still in its shell as Baby So. #August19thDayofHope #DayofHopePrayerFlags #ForAnnabelle
In June, Carly Marie started the Prayer Flag project so that grieving parents could make a flag as a way to honour their babies and children. Today is the Day of Hope, when all the parents display their beautiful flags. Here is mine...
I participated in the flag project last year, you can see the original here. The flag has the same theme, colours, material and I used cross stitches again. The birds on the original flag were from Annabelle's Baby Shower invitation design. The flag this time round I proudly designed myself :) based on those birds. The bigger pink bird I see as Annabelle and the little yellow bird still in its shell as Baby So. #August19thDayofHope #DayofHopePrayerFlags #ForAnnabelle
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My Dearest Annabelle,
Not a day goes by that we don't think of you. We think of what could have been. What might have been. What should have been. Eating with us at dinner time, Playing at Balmoral Beach, Welcoming Daddy home from work… But its not all about that. You come into our minds when we hear the birds sing, See a beautiful clear blue day, And when we see all the colours of sunset splash across the sky. You have also got us to appreciate the affection shown to us by our loved ones and the kindness and generosity of complete strangers. You have reminded us to see the world and be thankful for those things we took for granted or just never noticed until now. You have well and truly shown us the world. People may not understand and wonder why we would say all of this is because of you when you did not step one foot on this earth. But the day you died changed us forever. We are different people because of you, Annabelle. We will never be the same and we would never want to be the same. I would give anything to have you back in our lives. To eat dinner with us, play at Balmoral with us, to welcome Daddy home from work... But that was never meant to be... I will never truly want to understand why you could not be with us but comfort doesn't come from the explained... Comfort comes from me imagining that you are up there in the clouds of heaven, playing with Uncle Danny, Grandma and Grandpa So as well as with all your great grandparents. I also like to think you now have a little brother or sister to look after and play with too. My beautiful baby girl, I love you and miss you. Each day that passes brings me closer to the day we will be together again. Happy Heavenly 1st Angelversary my daughter, Annabelle. The middle of the year is always full of celebrations with birthdays and our wedding anniversary. The pain from the fibroid was subsiding and I manage to get around albeit gingerly when at work. Daddy and I like to think we're food nerds and eat and eat and eat but only what's worth our time to chew! As I was struggling a bit physically from the pain, Daddy would gratefully drive me to work on Fridays to take the load off. Those mornings we'd visit an Italian bakery and have every dietitian's nightmare - a potato pizza for breakfast!!!
Despite the fact my appetite had now diminished again, I always (and I like to think, Annabelle) had room for pizza. Befitting for our little girl who has such an Italian sounding name despite having no such heritage in her bloodlines. (By the way, it was such a treat to go and we loved going there but only recently as 2 weeks ago could we bear to go back - and it was lovely to be there again and feel near her and our memories of her). So it's comes as no surprise that our anniversary was planned around food. It was our 6 year anniversary and we planned to visit where we got married - Balmoral Beach. We had brekkie on the way (For those foodies out there - Zumbo's laboratory at Balmain) and picked up morning tea at a Crows Nest Bakery. As a family, we took a walk around after having some of our morning tea. I took a few photos that day, showing how beautifully blue and lovely the day was, despite it being in the middle of winter (as you can see!). It was a wonderful day. I felt on top of the world. I can’t quite remember what we had for lunch but I know we had a huge dinner at home. It was a steak that I could not quite finish. That night, I started feeling very sick. I thought I had some indigestion from all the food we ate. I remember going to bed and needing Daddy to rub my back so I could go to sleep. It was a very uncomfortable night and in retrospect, I think Annabelle died that night. I don’t think I ever really felt her move again. |
Mummy's Journey is my story of when I was pregnant with Annabelle and my ramblings on grief, love and where I'm at now...
AuthorMy daughter was stillborn and her name was Annabelle Catalina. This is my journey as a grieving mum. Feel free to comment or email me at annabellesmum_at_ Archives
September 2015
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